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Buying a Gaming Laptop! Need advice!

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Hey, folks! I'm about to take the ol' greenbacked plunge into fiscal irresponsibility, and I could use some help choosing a gaming laptop. I'm not very computer-savvy these days, but I do understand the basics. Currently, my laptop can't run SotA (even bare bones).

To put it simply: I'm looking for a high-end console LITHIUM-POWERED CHARIOT OF WIRELESS SMITING. It doesn't need to be the best of the best, but I would like for its specifications to remain decent for a year or two. I don't need to play games on the absolute highest settings, although that would be nice. If it can brew tea, it's mine.

As far as preferences go, I'd like a screen that's at least 15". I'm shooting for 17". I don't expect much of a battery life on a gaming console, but a decent one is ideal. It must have a good wireless card! Lag drives me insane, especially while roleplaying. My character can only pick his nose for so long! Ports are good. I LOVE PORTS

Well, that's it. Firsthand accounts/past experiences are appreciated, as is any help or recommendations. Thank you, lords and ladies. I hope that you've all been well. :)

ps. What are y'all using? How long? Has its original performance flopped over time? Is that ASUS any good? How are the kids?

Edited by Delnith

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