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elaverick

Matters of British conformity

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Dear Sirs,

As a denizen of the sceptred isle depicted in your wonderful programme, I feel I must take umbrage at a couple of small matters that arose during my stay in Wellington Wells.

 

Whilst exploring a delightful bijou cottage in the charmingly named “Garden District”, I stumbled upon a “Downer” who voiced her concern that my name did not appear on the mailbox of the property. As a resident of the United Kingdom, I feel I should point out that we do not have mailboxes. We have letterboxes. The average British postman is a fellow of sufficient intelligence to be able to deduce the correct location to deliver his post without requiring confirmation of the occupiers name.

 

Far more seriously whilst perusing my inventory, I discovered an elucidatory note for a cup of coffee which I had recently acquired, which seemed to suggest that it would “do” in place of a cup of tea. I cannot adequately express my horror at this unpardonable deception. A cup of coffee (while a passable drink on it's own) is never a substitute for a cup of tea and to suggest otherwise is an act of pure mischief.

 

I trust these oversights will be addressed forthwith.

 

Your kind and humble servant,

 

E.Laverick Esq.

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To the matter that you mention

I have give some attention

& we’ll decolonialize at the next build.

 

Your most humble and faithful servant,

 

Alex Epstein

Director of the Narrative

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You can always tell a fellow member of the British Empire simply by their disdain to that disgusting second-rate beverage. I entirely agree on the matter; it simply does not 'do' and never shall.

 

I'm to believe that the summary for coffee is no longer 'the lesser brother of tea', then?

Such a shame, it was a perfect description.~

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